If you want to find peace, say sorry with your actions- not words!
Pretty much everyone is "sorry" when they do something bad to someone or let them down. But when sorry is only words and we continue to engage in the thought patterns and subsequent behaviors that caused everything in the first place, they are only that- words.
Words are important, but empty without action.
The path to forgiveness is through your actions
The guilt of what you have done will not be relieved by simply telling someone that you're sorry. If you want to find peace, and truly make amends with family, friends or peers that you've wronged, you must change your actions.
This is especially crucial for one person- yourself. You must forgive yourself for the things you have done that have caused you pain or cut you off from your true purpose in life. Affirmations and self help nonsense telling you to forgive yourself will have no impact if you don't take action.
- Get in therapy of some sort. Especially for men, and especially if it's something you feel resistance to. If you have a constant need to apologize to people, something's probably off. Therapy or any sort of insight can help you understand why you've done these things to yourself and others. That understanding will help you prevent it from happening in the future.
- When it comes to obligations, stop "trying" to do things. Make it an absolute "must" that you'll live up to what you said you were going to do. If it's a stretch, ask yourself why you're even committing to it in the first place. This goes for yourself as well- the things in your mind you intend to do but don't follow through with.
- Stop qualifying your apologies. "I'm sorry, but..." is even less impactful than sorry by itself. Take full responsibility for when things go wrong. The sting of taking that full weight will help train your brain to avoid these things in the future.
Sorry= Sizzle, Actions= Steak
By the time we're out of preschool we've probably started to grasp that saying sorry does not necessarily have any impact on future behavior.
It simply has no impact, and is almost offensive you know the other person is just going to do the same thing again! We can all remember a sibling or schoolmate doing something mean to us, being forced to apologize, and then doing it again five minutes later.
We do the same thing with ourselves by continually doing or not doing things that hurt us, then trying to pat our own bottoms with some sense of forgiveness- deep down, we know we're going to do it again. It will actually make you feel worse in most cases.
You must change your actions if you want to find peace and true forgiveness from yourself and others.
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